Cattle Call DVD

Imagine being a movie producer. You would have it all. Money, respect, women. More women. There is no better pick up line than “want to try out for my movie?” Trust me; I saw it in a movie once.

But what does it really take to start your own casting agency? In CATTLE CALL, presented by NATIONAL LAMPOON, three guys realize they only need some business cards and a fold out casting couch to start a fake agency recruiting the hottest women around.

Sherman and Glenn are looking for a leading lay, but Richie Ray is looking for true love. Just when they find the perfect girls for the roles, the truth comes out. Now these actresses don’t want the part, they want revenge. Hold on to your hearts and protect your private parts, this cattle call is gonna get rough.

Only the Songs That Get Stuck in Your Head

Your tattoo is stupid. Seriously, it’s not cool. Aside from the fact that it was poorly done by some fuck that couldn’t care less about the stain on your flesh the rest of your life because he was too busy wondering when Raul was coming by to drop off an eight-ball of crystal meth, there’s no meaning or significance behind it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there’s meaning to YOU, but not to me, Joe passerby on the street, who looks at the fairy with butterfly rings encased in a star made of flowers all done up with some generic Arizona tribal designs and openly laughs at you.

If you must get something tattooed…here are some tips from unkie-Dune.

1. If you have seen 3 or more people with your tattoo, don’t get it.

2. If it just “looks cool” (which it doesn’t), don’t get it.

3. Is it an animal? Steer clear.

4. Zodiac sign? Birthdate? Dead friend? Religious affiliation? Band you aren’t in? No. No. No. No. No.

5. If you’re going to get one, let it have meaning, that’s why I proudly bear my life-size 40 ounce bottle across my heart.

The only good kind of tattoo is one you give yourself while drunk on booze you made yourself in the toilet of your prison jail cell to represent another inmate you either murdered or made your bitch.

Chug Bug
This game is just like the original Slug Bug you used to play except updated for ages 15 and up. It’s great for road trips. Whenever you see one of those Beetle cars, you drink. Don’t worry; we aren’t leaving out the punching. This will naturally occur after a few rounds.

Connect Four
Every time someone puts in a red chip, you drink.

Freeze Tag
This is basically the exact opposite of Freeze Tag. In fact, at the end of the night when the alcohol is running low you may have played this game without even knowing it. You run with the bottle of booze while all your friends try to “freeze” you. And by “freeze you” I mean steal your booze. If they tackle you to the floor, they get to drink until someone else tackles them. When you get tackled you are “frozen” because of your bodily injuries.

Sorry
Based off the popular board game, this is one of those spur-of-the-moment type drinking games. For example, you’re belligerent at your friend’s house when you accidentally break their television. Sorry! And the game has begun…