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Welcome to Drunk University!
Welcome freshman, to your first day of orientation at Drunk University. As a student at one of America's most prestigious non-accredited universities for aspiring alcoholics, you will have a whole new set of responsibilities. You will be expected to black out four to five nights a week (Tuesday's optional) often waking up naked in an unknown dorm bathroom. By the time you graduate you will be able to funnel beer for breakfast and drink cheap vodka as though it was water. Such a path will not be easy; you must learn to ignore the signs of pain your liver will inevitably try to send you and always decide to power down a few more shots. Remember, you are part of a historic tradition of drunken debauchery, make us proud.
About Drunk University
Drunk University is run by five highly professional college-trained drinkers and one drunken monkey who sifts through all your article, video, and link submissions.
Together we have written for comedy newspapers at five college campuses, entertaining more than 100,000 college students every month. Since 2002, Drunk University has reached more than 500,000 unique visitors every month. And according to our business expense calculations, our dedicated staff has pounded roughly 20,000 beers.
Drunk University is #1 on Google for the search term “drunk.”
About the Staff
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Dirty Mike: A crazy perma-drunk stand up comic who gets banned from clubs more often than he performs. He once got out of a public-exposure arrest by getting a tattoo. Oh, and he’s also a junior member of the NAACP.
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Rexican: Founder and publisher of The Kiss My Aztec of San Diego State University, and the bar room rag Lush Magazine. He has to drink at least five beers to fall asleep. He lives in LA now so he thinks he’s a hot shot.
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E-Dawg: Former editor of The Koala, E-Dawg makes his living at a million odd jobs such as working at a glass factory, but also writes jokes for a bar-room television news show. E-dawg’s claim to fame is writing the joke on a mass-printed Christmas card.
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The Sandman: Sandy Danto is a stand up comic and an A/V producer, writer, and performer for NationalLampoon.com’s internet videos. He’s also a co-host of the web series Fat Guy Nation and spends most of his day force-feeding food to malnourished Penthouse pets.
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J-Rhodes: After accruing over $180,000 in debt, filed for bankruptcy and moved into his dad’s attic in Ohio. He now has a very successful bar act which consists of punching himself in the face until he vomits, while juggling hamsters.
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B-rad: “The Cute One,” Brad is the pioneer of a new fad diet. He stays thin by only buying canned foods, but does not own a can opener. He also likes to take photos with his shirt partly unbuttoned. Plus, he’s really rich.
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Contributors
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Dune Murderous: Rapper of Defamation League, he brews his own beer, has been featured in Hustler, wins music awards, and puts out club jams on an almost weekly basis. His hobbies include whiskey.
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Brian Barton: Former “youngest congressional candidate in America,” and current youngest-congressional-candidate to become unemployed. He ran in California’s 53rd district and is probably the only republican you will ever grow to love.
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Steve York: Steve is famous for two reasons (1) He’s one of the biggest Star Wars action figure collectors in the world with over $150,000 in toys (2) He played his homemade porn on a college television station. Pretty good for a red head!
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Dr.Unk: He has built: a fireball maker, dual keggerator, a 50-foot down-hill slip and slide with heated water, a robotic beer dispenser, and knows everything about everything. Seriously, just ask him.
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Party Michelle: Michelle goes to more parties than you. She will fall in love with you if you play her "I'd Find You" by Chris Cagle, while driving in a really expensive car. She has recently been cured of her vaginimisis (look it up or watch her video).
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The Rothman: When not living with his parents or working a low-paying job, Mark hits on girls out of his league. During his off-time he reads Victoria's Secret for the articles. Cheap light beer is Mark's only friend that is not imaginary.
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Interested in writing for Drunk University? Contact us.
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