Two drunks are walking along
One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night… look at the moon.” The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, “You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.”

They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?”

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”

An Irish Bet
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh … I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

Bryan Barton on the Mark Foley scandal. Add Bryan Barton on MySpace. Produced by Barton Talk.

Pigs all across the world have come together to raise a stink: For a reason this time. The pigs claim that the word ‘hamburger’ implies that parts of them are used within the food product that the word signifies. According to their attorney, Larry Hogman, the word ‘hamburger’ falsely claims that its ingredients include the delectable, salty meat of pork.

“If I were to order a gibbon strip combo from a restaurant,” Hogman explains, “I would expect that the majority of the item’s contents to be gibbon. But when I order a ‘hamburger’, I am getting the rotting, stringy meat of a foot-in-mouth cloned mad cow. This misleading nomenclature is giving little piggies all over the world a bad name.”

Legal counsel Hogman explains how he came to legally represent pigs in this case by stating that, “I can understand Pig Latin, the native tongue of the sow. I know swine forwards and backwards. Especially backwards. That is why they (o)inked me for representation.” In an attempt to settle the dispute without long-term litigation, hamburger purveyors have decided to re-name their product. Currently, the top three choices are: Meatpies, Bovine Asschompers, and Slaughterhouse Sandwiches. As of now, the case is still pending in the sty of the Supreme Court.

Joke of the Day:

Q: What’s the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Lesson 4: Toilet Paper

Dirty Mike gives a lesson on toilet paper! You need this stinky pants. Add Dirty Mike on MySpace. Produced by Visflix.

Jello Shots
1 cup Malibu rum
1 cup hot water
1 package watermelon or cherry Jello

Mix hot water and jello. Add rum. Pour into 2 ounce cups. Serve after the jello has set.