Defamation League attacks an Iceman figure with a BB gun, “Def League Brand” Matches, a few firecrackers, and the childish glee of some 8-year-olds.

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Gone with the Wind. The Godfather. Casablanca. And now, Delta Farce.

These are all movies that are remembered as cinematic masterpieces. Delta Farce stars this generation’s Marlon Brando - Larry the Cable Guy.

The movie centers around the sleeveless hero and his two cohorts who are inadvertently dropped off in Mexico instead of Iraq. Larry the Cable Guy trades in a blue collar for a camouflage collar, his whiskey for tequila, and his Jesus for the Virgin Mary. Too bad it’s not mustard gas they have to worry about, LARRY! It’s biological warfare and every Taco Bell has the means for Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Together, our three amigos, must combat a group of evil-bent Mexican bandits, save a small town, and avoid food-poisoning. Sounds like my typical Mexican weekend too.

This movie is to true Americans what the Kimberly action figure from the Power Rangers was to me alone in the closet at age 14. Not seeing this movie is unpatriotic and will get you listed on the no-fly list. GIT R COMPLETED!!!

48 out of 50 stars on the American Flag.

I just watched the trailer and it looks like the thriller and horror genres continue their grasp on Hollywood. This movie boasts about 37 deaths in the trailer alone, but this horror film has a twist – it expects rip roaring laughter at the expense of some of humanity’s most ill-fated calamities, and for that I give it 4 thumbs up!

The principle of the film is clearly stated in the trailer: “Anyone who wins a Darwin Award is probably the stupidest person you’ll never meet.” That’s because by definition you can only win a Darwin Award if you’re dead. It continues “The idea being that these people are so moronic, they are actually improving the gene pool by removing themselves.”

The real question now becomes: what award do you give to the person with the craftiest suicide? Someone, so intelligent, that their concoction of death puts them down in history alongside Benjamin Franklin, Da Vinci, and myself?

The Darwin Awards trailer showcases a man who welded a jet engine to an old Chevy who was hurdled at 400 miles per hour into a hillside. However, it was not all in vain, as his true dream was to be on TV. While his 15 minutes of fame no doubt came on the evening news outlet during the “Wacky News at 9” segment, his ingenuity will no doubt be remembered.

The Darwin Awards Toast from DrunkU: Here’s to you guy-who-crashed-into-a-hillside! Where the hell did you get that jet engine anyway? Sheer genius.

Recently I read an article about why women fake it. Well I got news for you ladies, us guys we fake it all the time. Why do we fake it? Well for a few reasons. Let me riddle off the ten most common.

10. Its late and we want to go to bed already. I mean sometimes we are just tired and need to get up early the next morning to watch SportsCenter.

9. Because you are not very good looking and we are beginning to regret hooking up with you. This phenomenon is also known as “de-beer-goggling.”

8. We don’t want to have kids. That’s right, ladies, we do not want to be deadbeat dads so early in life. We all saw that movie with Steve Martin where he has ten kids - no way do I want that. Also there is no guarantee the kids will be cool. Unless they are going to be Tiger Woods or the Olsen twins, I am not interested.

7. I need to save it for the girl I am sleeping with later in the night.

6. We want to make you feel good about your self and not inadequate. We understand your frail emotional state. Okay that is a lie….but I tried to sell it…..

5. Only other guys really get me off, I mean girls, err, err. Let’s quickly move onto the next reason.

4. We were watching TV earlier in the day and one thing led to another and you know - the bullpen ran out of relievers….

3. We fake every other emotion with you, why should this be any different?

2. You remind us too much of our mothers and that is just weird….

1. Because you are also faking it!