Drunk Quickies:

How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty more to drink until the room spins.

This really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in a couple quarters. He stares at the needle that has stopped at 60 and exclaims, “I can’t believe I lost 100 pounds!”

When I was a young drunk, I used to pray for a bike, but then I realized that God doesn’t really work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.