Top 5 Things Super Mario Will Do When He Retires
1. Get scammed out of 400,000 gold coins by a Nigerian Koopa.
2. Teaches a class at the learning annex titled “banging your head away into financial freedom.”
3. Ride Yoshi through a farmer’s market killing 35 Goombas on intense star flashback.
4. Some plumbing, finally.
5. Discover Halo.

Top 5 (Homo) Sexually Tilted Lines by NBA Playoff Commentators
1. They double up on Duncan.
2. Parker trying to squeeze through, covered by Duncan.
3. Walton is hit hard from behind by Horry.
4. Parker is looking over his shoulder, while Manu Ginobili lets him know where he is.
5. Duncan, working on Gasol, shoves it in there. Gasol grimaces in frustration.

Game Over
Finally, the most popular game of the 80s, and my personal favorite of all time, has arrived for Paystation and CashBox. Your game is over and you must insert a coin. My personal best score was $487.75.

Graphics: 10 “Dazzling.”
Sound: 5 “The game sound is still pretty limited. Needs more beeping.”
Controls: 10 “Only two buttons. Push 1P for 1 Player or 2P for 2 Player competition mode.”
Fun Factor: Off the charts
Overall: Amayzayzayzing.
SPOILER WARNING! I might be giving away a twist, but 2 player mode requires double the money.

The Envelope

The Letter

The Drawing