The Philosophical Nerd says: You liked the Lion King right? Remember that one scene where the monkey holds Simba up to the light and the animal crowd is ecstatic? Yeah, he’s going to get the whole kingdom some day, but his parents repeatedly dangle him off a cliff. How come that’s okay to do if you’re Mufasa, King of the Jungle, but not Michael Jackson, King of Pop?

THROWING THINGS IN PRESIDENTIAL HISTORY:

George Washington:
Controversy abounded when George Washington signed the Fugitive Slave Act of 1793, allowing slaveholders to recover their human property. This was actually the first protest in which shoes were thrown at the President, although the shoe throwers were derided by most slaves, who claimed that if you were lucky enough to have shoes, you surely shouldn’t throw them away.

James Madison
As an underdeveloped child, James Madison was the frequent target of water balloon and peach cobbler pie throwings. In 1809, and at his full height of 5′4″ and weight of 100 pounds, James Madison became the shortest and lightest President in hopes of being protected from bullies by the Secret Service (then known as the Hush Hush Service). As President he was still a target, but fortunately he was able to avoid all thrown objects by standing completely behind the podium while giving speeches.

William McKinley:
At the Temple of Music at the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, New York, in 1901, an anarchist named Leon Czolgosz threw two bullets at President McKinley. McKinley dodged the first bullet, but the second lodged in his pancreas. Apparently, throwing bullets at someone is considered ‘the greatest of insults’ in the anarchist culture.

Theodore Roosevelt:
President Roosevelt was known as a conservationist and for his photographic memory, so it came as little surprise when in 1903 steel and oil baron Andrew Carnegie hurled a dead steelworker covered in oil at Mr. Roosevelt before calling out the phrase ‘memorize this bitch!’ Mr. Carnegie then proceeded to drive away in the first Ford Model A, which burned more gas per mile than three modern day Hummers simultaneously crashing into an oil rig.

William Howard Taft
In 1909, Mr. Taft, following the fatal bullet throwing and dead steelworker catapult Presidencies of Roosevelt and McKinley, decided to turn the ol’ political tradition of ‘randomly throwing things at the President when he least expects it’ on its head. Mr. Taft actually encouraged people to throw foods at him during his speeches, such as baked goods, and canned hams, while tomatoes were known as his least favorite. This new measure turned the public’s affinity for tossing objects at the President into less of a death risk, but the toll on his health over time was considerable. Mr. Taft weighed in at over 300 pounds.

Top Five Nursery Rhymes for Kids With Cancer
1. Lumpty Dumpty
2. Little Boy Blue Spots
3. The Itsy Bitsy Cancer
4. Old King Mole
5. Mary Mary, chemotherapy

#10 The Mophie Bevy

The Mophie Bevy is a unique and inexpensive gift. It’s an: iPod Shuffle case, keychain, headphone wrap, and bottle opener, for the thirsty music lover. Finally, a product that encourages drinking beer while running.

What: Bottle Opener and iPod Shuffle Case
Price: $15
Where to Buy It: http://www.Mophie.com

#9 Jerkass T-shirt

Only have $20 to spend? Well then #9 is your standard go to gift. Buy a funny t-shirt for a boring friend who talks too much. Hopefully they will wear it and you can look down at Vanilla Ice’s flat top fade and reminisce about the good ol’ days.

What: Funny T-shirt
Price: $20
Where to Buy It: http://www.JerkAssClothing.com

#8 Luminox Watch or Vestal Watch

Look, if you buy your boyfriend one of these watches he won’t have any more excuses for being late, but then again if he has a watch this cool he will probably be picking up a lot more ladies. Such is the duality of man.

This is the Luminox Colormark watch. In case you want a sportier, more hardcore watch, this watch is preferred by US Navy SEALs and US Air Force Pilots, and it’s water resistant to a depth of 200 meters. It’s also 100 times brighter than other Luminous watches.

What: Luminox Watch: Colormark (model)
Price: ~$200
Where to Buy It: http://Retailers.Luminox.com

This one is called the Vestal Zeppelin. And like the Zeppelin this watch is huge. Massive stainless steel construction held in place by a solid safety clasp. This is just one of Vestal’s many awesome watches inspired by the rockstar lifestyle.

What: Vestal Watch: Zeppelin (model)
Price: $80 - $290
Where to Buy It: http://www.VestalWatch.com

#7 Pulse Smartpen

Hate taking notes and then later trying to decipher them? Then the Smartpen is the gift for you. It solves this problem by recording the audio of your professor while you take notes. It synchronizes your notes with the lecture. Then you can just tap your paper pad and it will replay the audio of what your teacher was saying. There are also a lot of fun features, like the ability to draw a calculator or piano on a piece of paper and have them actually work!

What: Pulse Smartpen
Price: $150 - $200
Where to Buy It: http://www.LiveScribe.com

#6 David’s Cookies

And the #6 gift this holiday season… David’s Cookies. Everyone knows that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And David’s Cookies has the best cakes we have ever tasted. David’s Cookies was kind enough to send us 6 cakes and somehow 3 of them went missing before we even got to do this video shoot! Above left is the Truffle Cake Sampler and to the right is the Tart Sampler, but there are tons of other delicious options on their web site.

What: David’s Cookies
Price: $30 - $50
Where to Buy It: http://www.DavidsCookies.com

#5 Coal

That’s right, #5 is coal. Once thought to be the worst gift possible for the Holidays, coal prices have shot through the roof. Did you know that coal is the largest source of fuel for generating electricity worldwide? It’s also the official state rock of Utah. Not to mention that it will make girls think you have been a bad boy this year.

What: Coal
Price: $120 / short ton
Where to Buy It: Finer Coal Stores Near You

#4 Ultimate Rotator Hookah

With the Ultimate Old School Rotator Hookah package, you can’t go wrong. As you pass the hose, the hole thing rotates to ensure it doesn’t tip over and burn down your house…a lesson I learned the hard way with my last hookah.

What: Ultimate Rotator Hookah
Price: $100 (Holiday special!)
Where to Buy It: http://www.hookah-shisha.com

#3 Vuzix Eyewear

And #3, is the Vuzix AV920. Put these on and it’s like wearing a virtual 62" big screen. You can watch DVDs on a plane, play video games, and safely watch Drunk University movies in the office.

What: Vuzix Eyewear
Price: $350
Where to Buy It: http://www.Vuzix.com

#2 College Winter Break

That brings us to #2 best gift for the holidays, which is a Winter Vacation Trip with National Lampoon. That’s right, from January 8 – 11th or January 16th – 19th you can hit the slopes at the Grand Sierra Resort and Casino. 75 hour open bar, 3 daily gourmet buffet meals, 3 night accommodations, 2 day lift pass, midnight hot pool party, concerts, bowling and poker tournaments, and more.

What: College Winter Break
Price: $299
Where to Buy It: http://www.CollegeWinterBreak.com

#1 Mino HD Flip Video Camera

And the #1 gift is the world’s smallest HD camcorder. Convenient flip-out USB arm. Built-in memory for up to 60 minutes of high-quality video. Rechargeable battery. So awesome, we decided to replace all of our video production equipment at Drunk University with The Flip.

What: Mino HD Video Camera
Price: $230
Where to Buy It: http://www.theFlip.com

For more comics like this one, check out The Freckled Finger.

Hot Chicks in an ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS Mariah Carey Music Video Parody.