So it’s Thanksgiving time and all the relatives are coming over. You don’t remember any of them, except your hot cousin who you made out with back when you were 14, and you have nothing to talk about (and as much as you want to, you can’t really bring that hot make out session up).

That is why, my friend, I give you a bunch of really lame thanksgiving jokes! Why must they be so lame you ask? Well you wouldn’t want to offend grandma and grandpa would you? And you have to be able to tell them in front of the little kids, right?

I swear, telling these jokes is better than long awkward silences followed by Aunt May’s stories about basket-weaving or whatever-the-fuck old people do in their spare time.

Let the Lame Jokes Begin!

What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language

What kind of jokes did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth rock.

What sound does a space turkey make?
Hobble Hobble Hobble

This one is great to amuse your much less attractive retarded cousin:

Knock knock
Who is it?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any left overs?

And one for the smart-ass little kids…

Grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, ‘The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.’

Her youngest grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, ‘Then why is their Dad carrying that rifle?’

GG McCain. U got pwn3d. LOL. Keep it reals.

More Barack Obama Jokes

My Mom Inadvertently Encourages My Meth Usage
“Why don’t you clean your room like you did that one time?”

The Only Sure Sign You’re at the Best Party Ever
You meet dudes from a future time of 100 A.P. (After Party) that saved up for weeks to come back to this party.

A Parking-Lot Owner After Getting His MBA
“I think it’s time to expand my business. Let’s paint those white lines closer together.”

Compulsive Gambling Doctor
“Fine, but if I lose I get to remove my own kidney.”

Did you hear the one about the alcoholic who was stranded on a desert island?

He found a bottle floating near the shore. When he opened it, out popped a genie; his salvation!

The genie said, “I’ll grant you two wishes”, to which the alcoholic replied quickly with his first wish, “I’d like a never ending bottle of whiskey.” The genie immediately complies with his wishes and provides him a with never ending bottle. When asked what his second wish would be, the alcoholic replied, after careful consideration, “I’ll have another never ending bottle of whiskey!”

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
3. The back of your head has a callous from getting hit by the toilet seat.
4. You can focus better with one eye closed.
5. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
6. You plan on naming your illegitimate kids Barley and Hops.
7. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
8. At AA meetings you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…”
9. The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you walk in.
10. The flowers near your house are drunk from too frequent watering.

Two Drunks

Two Englishmen are sitting at a bar and become quite tipsy. One turns to the other and says, “Oy, where are you from?”

The second man answers, “I’m from Liverpool.”

The first man, surprised, replies, “No way! I’m from Liverpool, too! What high school did you go to?”

The second man answers, “St. Mary’s.”

“Wow!” yells the first man. “ME, TOO!”

“No way,” says the second man. “What year did you graduate?”

“Seventy-nine,” says the first man.

“Oh, my God!” screams the second man, “I graduated in ‘79, too!”

“Oh, boy, it’s gonna be a long night,” sighs the bartender, turning to one of his other customers. “The Johnson twins are drunk again.”

Drunk Quickies
Q: What do you do when your wife’s staggering?
A: Shoot her again.

Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don’t look down.

The South 4o (A single panel Comic Strip by David Huntsberger)