January 29th, 2006
Holy shit I just burnt my fucking face off. “Hey, let’s have a bonfire,” I thought. “Great idea Bradley!” all my friends agreed. And then I had another brilliant idea - to spit white gas into the flames. Did I mention I was drunk?
I had been drinking since 4pm and alcohol was practically seeping out of my pores. After my face caught on fire I buried my head in the sand like an ostrich. My drunk friends tell me that flames shot out from my ears for 10 seconds. Instead of going to urgent care immediately my drunk ass demanded to be taken home. I didn’t want them to think I was a wuss afterall.
According to the accounts of my friends my face looked like fucking Freddy Krueger, but don’t worry ladies I am supposed to make a full recovery. I feel sorry for those burn victims I saw at the burn center today though. Motherfucker! There were people who’s skinned looked like crumpled paper.
Anyway, this update is not supposed to be funny you fuckers, but a warning. The moral of the story is: if you are going to catch your face on fire make sure someone has a video camera so you can put it on your web site and make your update actually entertaining.
Drunk Links
- Lindsay Lohan gets a stupid tattoo
- Scottish girls can out drink you, you wuss
- This article claims that people like watching celebrity porn - you don’t say!
- This cop gets owned
- Someone should do this again and submit the video
- Chicks getting naked for an early Spring Break
- Drunk Advice: Don’t Drunk Drive and Jerk Off
