October 7th, 2009
TOP TEN REASONS YOU SHOULD WEAR A COSTUME TO CLASS ON THE 31ST
10. Extra credit
9. Now you can wear that banana suit to school
8. You suck at being yourself
7. Teacher can’t tell if you’re high
6. You can whack it under the sheet
5. Teacher can’t tell if you’re cheating
4. You can inconspicuously stare at fictitious jub jubs in a mask
3. …and twins!
2. Everyone will think your family is poor if you don’t have a costume
1. You’re John Karr
TOP 8 THINGS YOU SHOULD DO IF A BLACK CAT CROSSES YOUR PATH
8. Pull a “Rodney King for Cats” on its ass
7. Say “Naughty Pussy” and punch it in the face
6. Step on a crack and break your mother’s back to even it out
5. Paint a white stripe on it and watch Pepe Lepeui try to fuck it long and hard
4. Choke it to death with spilled salt
3. Take that black pussy home and eat it (Cuz you’re a Szechuan chef)
2. Smash it with a mirror
1. Stuff it down your pants and walk under a ladder
TOP FIVE SIGNS DRACULA WASN’T GAY
5. Never looked in the mirror
4. Didn’t like wood steak
3. He’s in the coffin
2. He always wanted suck blood, which implied he enjoyed performing cunnilingus on menstruating women
1. Didn’t fuck Cory Feldman when he had the chance
TOP FIVE SIGNS DRACULA WAS GAY
5. Talked with a suspicious lisp
4. Slept all day, partied all night
3. Huge fan of clown rape
2. Only bit necks of mushroom heads
1. Raped Frankenstein and his monster
TOP 10 SHITTIEST THINGS ABOUT HALLOWEEN
10. Drunk driving much more challenging with all the kids out
9. Christmas
8. Beer bong tube can’t fit through mask hole
7. Getting a ten year olds makeup off your thighs
6. Hookah tube can’t fit through mask hole
5. Accidentally hitting on dudes dressed in drag when you’re drunk
4. Coming to terms with your crippling fear of children
3. Going to jail dressed in drag and not drunk
2. Sharing candy
1. Being one of thirty disco pimps at the party
Joke of the Day:
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of f*%king time.
Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
