August 10th, 2006
There are a lot of people I never thought I’d meet - Halle Berry, Michael Jackson, you know, the Repo Man. But yesterday, that all changed…
It was 2:45am. I was laying comfortably in my bed when something lightly caressed my cheek. The window was open and as my eyes adjusted to the dim light of the moon I saw Halle Berry topless standing in front of my bed.
Then, of course, I woke up to the screams of “Brian!!! Brian!!! Where the fuck is our money!?!?” right outside my bedroom. I looked out the window and saw two giant white guys who looked like this was their part-time job outside of the WWF pounding angrily at my door. Along with the mystery of who the hell were these strange characters, I had to deal with the mystery of my boxers. They were soaked with either, ahem, the remnants of Halle Berry, sweat, or urine, possibly all three.
I snuck over to my roommate Brian’s room and whispered “There are some guys at the door to kill you!” He just rolled over and said “Is it the repo man?”
Motherfucker knew the entire time they were coming. I should have known. Brian owed me back rent for weeks. He kept using the tired old excuse of “You said I could pay you in sexual favors,” and frankly if he had kept up his part of the bargain I wouldn’t have been dreaming about Halle.
Not only that, but that day Brian had asked me for some help cleaning out his car. Then, he parked it as far in the garage as possible…Far enough to bump the wall.
Brian casually strolled down the stairs as I hid under my bed in fear where I found a jelly bean. Apparently the Repo Man took his truck away, but he still swears it was a courtesy pick up from the dealer for the new BMW he was buying.
Moral: Break your roommates knees if they don’t pay you or just take their car before the repo man gets it.
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