March 28th, 2007
Sanjaya’s big pink vagaya tastes like curry.
Okay, I tuned in again this week to rub one out to Haley Scarnato (who I’m convinced does hard core pornography on the internets) but found myself unable to complete the task at hand (haha) because that little butt ninja had what might have been the most Hershey flavored hairdo I have ever seen.
That Pony Hawk as he called it was more flaming than a neon red hot Cheeto. Seven pony tails for good luck? How about seven pony tails — one for each day of the week that he wants to cure his sore throat with Ryan Seacrest’s meat lozenge.
Okay, so the real reason I’m writing is to remind everybody that 420 is coming up. Hells yeah! So to get you in the mood here are some lists I came up with while smoking some chrony…
TOP 10 STONER INJURIES
10. Three car collision
9. Burnt eyebrows
8. Low sperm count
7. Burnt thumb
6. Burnt throat
5. Crossed eyes
4. Burnt asshole
3. Emphysema
2. Burnt pee pee hole
1. Hacky sack knee
TOP 7 TYPES OF PEOPLE I HATE TO SMOKE WEED WITH
7. Droolers
6. Horrible storytellers
5. Rookies
4. Abuse victims that flashback to a terrifying assault and start saying things like, “Daddy, why? Please stop, oh God in Heaven, please stoooooop!!”
3. Double tokers
2. Mormons
1. The weedless
TOP 5 WAYS TO CLOAK THE SMELL OF WEED WHEN YOU ARE OUT OF INCENSE
5. Burn your pubic hair
4. Squeeze a little Ben Gay on top of each bowl
3. Burn your doggy’s pubic hair
2. Fry up some sausage
1. Keep Gatorade jugs of your urine festering throughout your residence
