March 8th, 2007
What’s up with the big tittied chicks who don’t flash the flesh on spring break? All four of her drunken slut friends French kiss each other and give up the boobs and gash shots but for some reason 
this fifth wheel is too self conscious or not drunk enough or way lame.
Why did you even come on this trip and not become a skank when you knew that Spring Break is all about skanking? Do you have exceptionally lengthy nipple hair or a pooga scar or an embarrassing tan line? No dudes give a shit about that shit. I mean, shit, at least shake your ass to the beat and jiggle them soggy gobstoppers. I’ll allow you to gaze at my Zeus-like pectorals and sculpted latissimus dorsi muscles. Do something to give my buddies and me a chubby, baby!
And what’s up with nobody boozing in the crowds at these MTV2 Spring Break deals? It’s understood that there may be a rule against promoting alcohol during the taping of these shows. So why are you there? Do all these fratboys and posers like listening to Aaron Carter that much? Jesus Christ, you rookies should at least be packing a flask of whiskey and have a couple tallboys in your shorts. You flabby, flabby pussies.
On a side note, here are some specific questions I have from last year’s Spring Break…
What’s up with sand stuck in lady’s genitalia? Last Spring Break I was porking this redhead and got third degree cock burns from the scraping friction.
And what’s up with no Mexicans selling good ecstasy in Rosarito? Someone could be making a ton of scrilla if they had the dope game on lock.
And finally, what’s up with that fat drunk guy that nobody knows and has been sleeping in the corner for the past three days? Wake me up next time, you assholes. I had to hitchhike back to SDSU. Thank god for God Mormons were down there that week trying to convert sluts and drunks.
